Reverence, respect, honor
Last week, we had a good discussion as we looked at 1 Samuel 25. This sums up a bunch of thoughts regarding this chapter, and there are some areas of speculation, so be warned!!
Often in discussions about submission and respecting our husbands, the question invariably comes up: "But what if he's wrong?"
Unfortunately, I've never had to deal with that problem.
(Dave told me to write that-- Ha ha! It's supposed to be a little joke!)
In the last week, the Lord has been making me more aware of times that I am not really reverencing or respecting my husband, as demonstrated by my attitude and words. (My pride would have me add "on a few occasions," but in the Lord's eyes that doesn't mean much!) I had been praying about this, and God is good to grant discernment. Most of these times are when I feel frazzled and, so, justified in being snippy, etc., because I am in the middle of something...so these are not necessarily major issues of disagreement.
To some people, my responses would not seem out of line or that big of a deal, but the Lord has brought conviction to my heart.
I dislike the analogy, but I could ask myself: "Would I speak to my employer that way?" You know, not that I'm being tyrannical in my speech, but that my speech isn't always demonstrating reverence.
A common denominator for my wrong responses is this: I get caught up in details, large or small, and lose sight of my calling to be a helpmeet. I may be of the mindset that I will be inconvenienced in some way if I don't make certain minor stipulations about things concerning the family. And sometimes my concern is more for my apparent best interest than my husband's best interest.
On the other hand, I have experienced times that when I am purposely seeking to reverence my husband, and the Lord just gives me more love for him! It's not a forced kind of thing at all. That convinces me that God's plan for marriage, like his plans for everything else, is GOOD!
In 1 Peter 3:1,2, we read something really neat. It's a way to encourage our husbands in the Lord and it's a way to influence them if they are disobedient or get off track. And it seems to assume that we have our husband's best interest in mind But--surprise-- it's completely opposite the world's way of thinking! And, if we are not careful to renew our minds according to God's Word, it may seem pretty nutty to us.
So, how can we encourage our husbands in the Lord, to obey His Word? What can we as wives DO?
"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (read: behavior, not speech) of the wives; While they behold (read: not listen, but SEE) your chaste conversation coupled with fear."
It continues, speaking about the importance of our heart in this.
"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:"
We have looked at a few examples of women in the Bible who stepped outside God's plan for wives. They were in situations and made choices, and we can look at them in light of God's Word and see how their choices measured up.
Another story which may stick in our minds regarding respect, reverence and subjection of the wife is that of Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. Here we read the story of David, Abigail and Nabal. This story has kind of stuck in my mind, because of the words of Abigail in verse 25 and 26 of the chapter, which I find quite haunting:
"Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him...now let thine enemies, and they that seek evil to my lord, be as Nabal:"
Abigail is sometimes regarded by some as an example of when a wife just has to do something because the husband is not walking with the Lord or just being plain evil. And there is every reason in this account to believe that Nabal was evil, evil, evil. But are we to use this as a justification for not honoring our husband, especially in much less dire circumstances, because we believe he is out of step with the Lord's will?
Here are a few observations about this chapter:
Abigail had a very difficult situation; few women could really relate. In no way do we see her as a villian. Just about anyone would say Nabal was not worthy of her respect. But what is so remarkable with 1 Peter 3:1,2 is that "obey not the word" covers the whole spectrum pretty much. And it's prescription is: be in subjection, respect, honor.
So, if we put these two responses side by side, they look like this:
As always, the world's thinking is always opposite God's way.
"But," we think, "her whole family, even Nabal, was in mortal danger!" Yes, that seems to be clear; David meant to wipe out the entire family of Nabal. Abigail sought to prevent that from happening. However:
Now, the fact that Abigail was later "rewarded" by becoming another wife of David doesn't seem to be an endorsement of Abigail's words either. We know that life was hard for competing wives, and that God didn't desire kings to have multiple wives (Deut 17:17). In fact, it appears David married an additional wife besides Abigail during these days! Ug. Well
Maybe God had a better plan for Nabal and Abigail. Maybe, though she of course didn't have 1 Peter 3:1,2, she could have won him without words. , we cannot know that....
But there is another issue that strikes me in this passage: Was Abigail's motivation for the good of her husband, or for self-preservation?
Again, Abigail's whole family was in fairly certain and imminent mortal danger, with David set on wiping out the whole household. Some have said that she was even was seeking to save Nabal's life. However, if her words mean anything, they seem to indicate otherwise:
"...now let thine enemies, and they that seek evil to my lord, be as Nabal:"
This is just my speculation but these words make it hard for me to think she was just trying to act in Nabal's best interest, to save his life (though we know this guy was so evil, and we can't even imagine what her life was like on a daily basis). However, could her words have shown the bitterness of her heart towards her husband?
** Well, this is quite a bit of mights, maybes and could haves, but I think this story leaves room for much pondering of how God's Word could have been applied. Elsewhere in the Bible, we see the reverence of Noah's two sons towards their father in concealing their father's nakedness after he had been drunk. We see David's continued recognition that Saul, who sought to kill him, was the Lord's anointed. Abigail did have other choices in her words; did they demonstrate reverence and respect?
We as christian wives have so much instruction in the Old and New Testaments, that we are to be our husbands' helpmeets, do good and not harm, honor, reverence, respect. While we may be limited in what we can really infer from Abigail's story, knowing what we know now, we can say, "Yes, God's Word addresses my situation; it gives me instruction: Reverence, honor, respect."
The more we put all of God's Word into practice, the better prepared we are to discern and do God's will in every situation He allows. If we are seeking to obey his word day by day, we can trust that the Lord will show us his will and give us wisdom when we need it. He will equip us to do good and not harm to our dear husbands!
Romans 12:1,2 tells us:
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
When you have the time, Terri Maxwell has written an encouraging series of articles regarding "When A Wife Disagrees with Her Husband" which addresses the topic of what wives can do.
This week, we are going to look at the preface to 1 Peter 3's instruction to wives, which really raises the bar for us as wives in regard to respect, reverence and submit! If you have time, please read 1 Peter 2.
Often in discussions about submission and respecting our husbands, the question invariably comes up: "But what if he's wrong?"
Unfortunately, I've never had to deal with that problem.
(Dave told me to write that-- Ha ha! It's supposed to be a little joke!)
In the last week, the Lord has been making me more aware of times that I am not really reverencing or respecting my husband, as demonstrated by my attitude and words. (My pride would have me add "on a few occasions," but in the Lord's eyes that doesn't mean much!) I had been praying about this, and God is good to grant discernment. Most of these times are when I feel frazzled and, so, justified in being snippy, etc., because I am in the middle of something...so these are not necessarily major issues of disagreement.
To some people, my responses would not seem out of line or that big of a deal, but the Lord has brought conviction to my heart.
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14
I dislike the analogy, but I could ask myself: "Would I speak to my employer that way?" You know, not that I'm being tyrannical in my speech, but that my speech isn't always demonstrating reverence.
A common denominator for my wrong responses is this: I get caught up in details, large or small, and lose sight of my calling to be a helpmeet. I may be of the mindset that I will be inconvenienced in some way if I don't make certain minor stipulations about things concerning the family. And sometimes my concern is more for my apparent best interest than my husband's best interest.
On the other hand, I have experienced times that when I am purposely seeking to reverence my husband, and the Lord just gives me more love for him! It's not a forced kind of thing at all. That convinces me that God's plan for marriage, like his plans for everything else, is GOOD!
In 1 Peter 3:1,2, we read something really neat. It's a way to encourage our husbands in the Lord and it's a way to influence them if they are disobedient or get off track. And it seems to assume that we have our husband's best interest in mind But--surprise-- it's completely opposite the world's way of thinking! And, if we are not careful to renew our minds according to God's Word, it may seem pretty nutty to us.
So, how can we encourage our husbands in the Lord, to obey His Word? What can we as wives DO?
"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (read: behavior, not speech) of the wives; While they behold (read: not listen, but SEE) your chaste conversation coupled with fear."
It continues, speaking about the importance of our heart in this.
"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:"
We have looked at a few examples of women in the Bible who stepped outside God's plan for wives. They were in situations and made choices, and we can look at them in light of God's Word and see how their choices measured up.
Another story which may stick in our minds regarding respect, reverence and subjection of the wife is that of Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. Here we read the story of David, Abigail and Nabal. This story has kind of stuck in my mind, because of the words of Abigail in verse 25 and 26 of the chapter, which I find quite haunting:
"Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him...now let thine enemies, and they that seek evil to my lord, be as Nabal:"
Abigail is sometimes regarded by some as an example of when a wife just has to do something because the husband is not walking with the Lord or just being plain evil. And there is every reason in this account to believe that Nabal was evil, evil, evil. But are we to use this as a justification for not honoring our husband, especially in much less dire circumstances, because we believe he is out of step with the Lord's will?
Here are a few observations about this chapter:
- It is not apparent that Abigail employed respect or reverence in dealing with her crisis. Her words about Nabal seem reveal a lack of respect, which is unjustifiable when we look at 1 Peter 3:1,2, which tells us how to deal with a husband who is not obedient to the Word.** (This may cause us to wonder if she had ever tried reverence and respect towards him...whether her heart would have been different toward him if she had been making an effort through the years to show reverence, or whether she had been in "survival mode" due to his evil and foolish ways. Again, Nabal was evil, evil, evil!)
- Yes, we read she was beautiful, but "beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)
- Some regard Abigail as noble, because she took action to save the lives of her family. And we do read that she had "good understanding" (1 Samuel 25:3). But there are many in the Bible who were commended by God, but had disobeyed in various circumstances.
- Things were urgent and desperate for Abigail's house. But did she take it to the Lord? We don't see any evidence of that.
- From Abigail's conversation with the servant who warned her of the impending doom, it seems that Abigail did not object to hearing others speak reproachfully about her husband.
Abigail had a very difficult situation; few women could really relate. In no way do we see her as a villian. Just about anyone would say Nabal was not worthy of her respect. But what is so remarkable with 1 Peter 3:1,2 is that "obey not the word" covers the whole spectrum pretty much. And it's prescription is: be in subjection, respect, honor.
So, if we put these two responses side by side, they look like this:
Respect an ungodly husband?
God's way - YES World's way - NO
As always, the world's thinking is always opposite God's way.
"But," we think, "her whole family, even Nabal, was in mortal danger!" Yes, that seems to be clear; David meant to wipe out the entire family of Nabal. Abigail sought to prevent that from happening. However:
- Might Abigail have presented the food to David without dishonoring her husband in her speech?
- Could God have rebuked David before he exacted vengeance on Nabal's house?
- Could God have softened Nabal's heart or sent him a dream to warn him to repent?
Now, the fact that Abigail was later "rewarded" by becoming another wife of David doesn't seem to be an endorsement of Abigail's words either. We know that life was hard for competing wives, and that God didn't desire kings to have multiple wives (Deut 17:17). In fact, it appears David married an additional wife besides Abigail during these days! Ug. Well
Maybe God had a better plan for Nabal and Abigail. Maybe, though she of course didn't have 1 Peter 3:1,2, she could have won him without words. , we cannot know that....
But there is another issue that strikes me in this passage: Was Abigail's motivation for the good of her husband, or for self-preservation?
Again, Abigail's whole family was in fairly certain and imminent mortal danger, with David set on wiping out the whole household. Some have said that she was even was seeking to save Nabal's life. However, if her words mean anything, they seem to indicate otherwise:
"...now let thine enemies, and they that seek evil to my lord, be as Nabal:"
This is just my speculation but these words make it hard for me to think she was just trying to act in Nabal's best interest, to save his life (though we know this guy was so evil, and we can't even imagine what her life was like on a daily basis). However, could her words have shown the bitterness of her heart towards her husband?
** Well, this is quite a bit of mights, maybes and could haves, but I think this story leaves room for much pondering of how God's Word could have been applied. Elsewhere in the Bible, we see the reverence of Noah's two sons towards their father in concealing their father's nakedness after he had been drunk. We see David's continued recognition that Saul, who sought to kill him, was the Lord's anointed. Abigail did have other choices in her words; did they demonstrate reverence and respect?
We as christian wives have so much instruction in the Old and New Testaments, that we are to be our husbands' helpmeets, do good and not harm, honor, reverence, respect. While we may be limited in what we can really infer from Abigail's story, knowing what we know now, we can say, "Yes, God's Word addresses my situation; it gives me instruction: Reverence, honor, respect."
The more we put all of God's Word into practice, the better prepared we are to discern and do God's will in every situation He allows. If we are seeking to obey his word day by day, we can trust that the Lord will show us his will and give us wisdom when we need it. He will equip us to do good and not harm to our dear husbands!
Romans 12:1,2 tells us:
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
When you have the time, Terri Maxwell has written an encouraging series of articles regarding "When A Wife Disagrees with Her Husband" which addresses the topic of what wives can do.
This week, we are going to look at the preface to 1 Peter 3's instruction to wives, which really raises the bar for us as wives in regard to respect, reverence and submit! If you have time, please read 1 Peter 2.
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