Are you a doormat?

Just kidding.

The peculiar topic of submission in marriage is often so maligned and dichotomized it is ridiculous.

I don't know what dichotomized means exactly.  But what I is mean, it is often written off as being a doormat, and since God doesn't want us to be a doormat, we can just set it aside.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, 

as it is fit in the Lord.  

Colossians 3:18

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, 

as unto the Lord. 23

For the husband is the head of the wife, 

even as Christ is the head of the church: 

and he is the saviour of the body. 24

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, 

so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  

Ephesians 5:22-24

Well, whatever submission means (Ephesians gives us a clue), do we see it as a beautiful facet of marriage?  Do we see it as one of the many ways the Lord uses to draw us into dependence on Him?  Do we see it as a means for us to become more like the Lord Jesus?  Or do we see it as the world sees it: irrelevant at best, harmful and destructive at worse?

We need to be mindful of thinking like the world thinks.  The world thinks like a young boy who takes apart the vacuum cleaner, puts it back together, and has a part left over.  The vacuum works, so the boy thinks the part is unnecessary and throws it away.  What will likely happen?

Years ago, the appendix was considered a useless evolutionary leftover, a "vestigial organ".  Our evolutionary ancestors may have needed it, it was thought, but today, it was superfluous.  So, for many years, the appendix went unstudied.  Later, however, it was determined that the appendix had a vital role as people develop from infancy.

The appendix contains a large number of lymphoid follicles, which it can use to control which bacteria come to reside in the colon as the intestinal flora. Thus, during infancy, the appendix might protect the baby from foreign agents that its still not-quite-developed immune system cannot combat effectively.  -- CreationWik

We are wise to assume God has a perfect plan for our lives, for marriages and for everything.  We are wise to take our assumptions and even definitions and humbly seek wisdom in God's Word before we continue on, possibly thinking the world's thoughts rather than God's.

Learning how to properly and consistently employ submission takes wisdom and understanding, which we can primarily glean from God's Word, however, an attitude of humility and a skepticism towards the world's wisdom is also a necessity.  

For the LORD giveth wisdom: 

out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.  

Proverbs 2:6

And be not conformed to this world: 

but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, 

that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, 

and perfect, will of God.  

Romans 12:2

Who is a wise man and endued with 

knowledge among you? 

let him shew out of a good conversation his works 

with meekness of wisdom. 

14But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, 

glory not, and lie not against the truth.15

This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. 

16For where envying and strife is, 

there is confusion and every evil work. 

17But the wisdom that is from above 

is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, 

and easy to be intreated, 

full of mercy and good fruits, 

without partiality, and without hypocrisy. 

18And the fruit of righteousness 

is sown in peace of them that make peace. 

James 3:13-18